IN SEARCH OF A FATHER

I have a father who will never ever fail me, Jesus is my father and he will never ever fail me,rock of ages he will never ever fail….thus goes the song cant remember who the artist is but it a beautiful song…..i wish i had known this truth about God along time ago maybe i wouldnt have spent sleepless nights,i wouldnt have soaked my pillows with tears,i wouldnt wish i was dead,i wouldnt try so hard to get peoples approval their attention, i wouldnt have dated the unbelievers,fooled around with the already committed….I say “maybe” coz life is a series of choices that we have to make everyday,everytime in our life time……

Ndungu my dad has always been my hero, he was the model father,taught me everything about the world,how to carry myself as a lady,how important i was,how to make money, i mean if you were to find us talking about everything from politics to saving and shares and business you would think am his sister or friend….he is the man i wanted for a husband,kind,loves his children,provides for his family, spends time with his kids,teacher his kids right from wrong,disciples and instill and teach dependency on ones self, making money and business and becaming a better you ….etc i dont know if my sister and brothers agree with me in all this or maybe i say all this coz i love him so much……but somewhere along the way through circumstances in life that image was tarnished….along the way i grew up and saw things differently….

My heart goes to the young girls who were brought up without their daddies present,to those who still dont know who their daddy is,to the young woman who asks why her daddy left,to the career woman who wonders why every relationship she is in ends as quickly and quitely as it started, to the lady who finds herself as the other woman in every relationship….to the girl who is desperately looking for her model father…….

All of them searching for a father through the men in their lives…….

Today am a victor because even after being saved for six years i still searched,compromised,punished myself for my fathers mistakes…..i carried this load in my heart and went out seeking to treat every man well,giving in to some demands because i was afraid they would leave me,taking all the crap and baggage they threw at me….i was afraid to disappoint, to be single, not to be loved….i was afraid of being alone all this time not remembering that i had a father who loved,cared,valued,longed for me…..all this time i had so much hatred,esteem issues and so much pain,so much rage,so much anger……settled for less just because someone else made a mistake,

To love takes trust, and ive had to trust myself,forgive myself and accept Gods forgiveness….Lord forgive me for all the times i pushed you away when you only wanted nothing but the best for me….although Ndungu has made some choices that i dont agree with he is still my father,my daddy and i love him so much,and there is nothing more i would love that him accepting Jesus as his saviour…..

There are so many of us out there who are going through all this right now but i just want to tell you there is a father who loves you more than anything in the whole world wide…….look in the mirror and see Gods beauty and love and grace and peace…you are his creation made in his image and nothing and no one could ever love you like he does….. Accept him as your father today and let him teach you how to be YOU…let him teach you how to love,to care,to talk and walk for he knows you well,he created you and in his perfect time he will bring one of his sons whom he can entrust your heart to.

I call him the love of my life for only he has loved me with a love that i dint have to earn,and one that i will never loose…..

I LOVE YOU DADDY.

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