what can i say thats what ive been feeling for the past two weeks, i mean there were so many questions with no answers,or maybe answers that i dint like to hear, i wanted everything to just stand still let me cry and grieve, let this pain all come out damn !!! why do i alwsys end up on at the same door over and over again ? my heart was tired,weak and hurt. there was little i could do about it so i wanted to get back or hit back on the pain i did but it only lasted for a while……….
yesterday i read proverbs 3:5 trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding….i sang and held to that verse as if it was the only thing that kept me sane, i talked to God the whole day just saying forgive me and restore me….i met friends who encourage me and walked and listened and prayed with me. for a normal person ciku was fine for those who know me well, i was breaking apart.
so yesterday as i was being restored some friends surprised me with a belated birthday white chocolate cake….ive never had a cake for my birthday !!!i couldnt stop smilling, i almost burst out crying….they sang,we ate,they made jokes and it was fun, at a time when i was feeling all alone God was behind the scenes preparing me for a greater day,greater fellowship…..
Today i woke up and lingered in bed a little while i talked to God and told him my fears,my dreams and concerns, i opened his word and read hannah’s story (the barren woman who finaly got a child by the name of samuel and offered him to God for service)i read about how that woman prayed earnestly without ceasing to God….and man did i love her faith !!! i finished my devotion with psalms 37:4 take delight in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your Heart…
I have a smile on my face today for am delighting in my Lord,My God is up to something today.