help !! i dont want to be a christian !!!


If like me, you went to a boarding school you would remember them, some had their hands lifted for hours on end, while others paced up and down binding and loosing the devil with all manner of words,they spoke with an authority no one would question, they prayed in a manner that suggested their prayers got to God before yours did, they had the” look ” i would almost call it the “holy look” for none of them joked around,laughed out loud,the would spit verses of the bible like it was an essay question from the river and the source, If like me you werent saved when in form one you would be intimated,challenged and regarded a sinner awaiting internal condemnation.
The C.U commonly known as the christian union in most kenya boarding schools…..they engulfed my dreams in my first year of high school, what a battle it was to never measure up, to be regarded as not godly enough. so as the years went by like the saying goes, if you cant beat them, join them….and join them i did, and the once badminton player,high school dancer,joke cracker,story teller was no more…..

If it dint reach your ankle it wasnt a skirt, if it wasnt long sleeeved it wasnt a shirt,if it wasnt straightly pulled back it wasnt well…..hair i guess ! everything had to be in its proper place, one had to be at the right place,at the right time,having the right conversation,hanging out with the right crowd….everything just had to be RIGHT !! if it wasnt all well, prayer and fasting would take care of that……a week or two straight weeks…i loved my food but disobidience was completely out of the question, ex communication wasnt a preety a place you wanted to go…..See my life now consisted of early quite mornings reading the word,lunch at a specific table with the rest of them,lunch time prayer, 4pm prayers,evening devotions…and endless days of “compalsory” fasting….dont get me wrong not that i minded but prior to my new found faith i was a happy person !!! i loved reading all the silly things in tabby’s letters, loved writting poems and cracking jokes and going for music dances and generally having a ball !!! am a sanguine so imagine me part of C.U in my form 2 year…the year of rebellion as they call it.

As my pastor talked about toxic faith this sunday all this memories rushed like wild wind wantin to be realeased and let loosed !! when is the last time you saw someone in church and went like oh my God what is she wearing ??? or oh no she dint dare turn up for the ladies meeting like that ? or went like has she no shame !! cover up woman !! now whats the difference between you and the pharisee who saw a tax collector praying and repenting and prayed went ahead to remind God of how a good person he was unlike the tax collector, how are we different with the pole dancer at tembo when we get a phone call and lie to someone that we are on our way yet we are still in the comfort of our house, how are we diffeent witht he guy in the office who is always drunk monday morning yet we file false I.O.U’ S of 10,000 khs trip that we know that we know!!! only costed us 5,000 thousand…..huh ?? How many of you have neighbours who lock their doors so fast when they see you coming or just change route when heading home because they cant stand another minute with you.

How do we expect to draw someone to christ when we constantly judge the way they dress, dont fit in, look,talk and the things they do ??? have you ever tried to understand why they do the things they do ?? ever asked why people dont want to be christians? why they dress or talk they way they do ?? well i got a few answers, we judge them,we think less of them,we pity them,heck sometimes we even envy them !! because we are boring,we speak a language they dont understand,they cant relate……

I live and work in mombasa ask me if i have ever seen a dolphin ?, ever been to a private island ? ever gone diving ? for those who live far and wide…when i the last time you went to the park ? had a picnic ? went hiking ? mounteneering ? laughed till your lungs hurt ? danced till your feet gave in ?? this are examples of pure,clean,basic,legal fun !!! so you used to play football in highschool, or volleyball,or rugby, or were a team supporter ! when is the last time you did this things ?? does christianity meaning we become boring ? does it mean that we no longer had fun, do fun things, some of us cant remember the last time we smiled !! genuinely smiled or laughed out aloud !! (and not L.O.L). we have hidden ourselves in religion instead of having a relationship !!

Yes christianity is a relationship not a religion. its about the state of your heart not the length of your skirt, its about your faith in Jesus christ, not the things that you can do….we forget that you cant buy forgiveness,nor pay foy your disobidience,so tell me why in the world would i want to be a christian ? as i sat with my girlfriends yesterday having pizza (i love peri peri ) we were short of one glass so as we kindly asked the attendant to help us a guy froma corner offered us a glass, we said thank you and one of us proceeded to say thank you Jesus ! the lebanese who were sitting across us were puzzled….i mean what has jesus have to do with us getting a glass ?? christianese…. you see for a christian like me i would get it…you know we got a glass ! but for someone who is not they are thinking that dude was just kind !! its never that serious !! how do we even begin to explain to them that that was a miracle ! he he he….a normal typical person would not have even said thank you,we are not normal but what should have been said was thank you for your kindness….now these lebanese would have understood or learnt something….

All this while as we talked about this particular topic a certain lady who was sitting quetly on her corner burst out laughing and shared with us why she would not be interested in coming to church or a worship service since he found christians to be fake, so as we talked some more she opened up and said if the gospel were to be shared with her in a relaxed and fun enviroment then she would listen and be open to hear it, in this case we went ahead to tak about God,his love and many other things and right there over pizza we shared where we went to church which for me was a couple of blocks from the eatery and God willing she might just show up this sunday…..For us to reach people we need to know and understand them…..instead of judging and calling them heathens we love them like Jesus did and go ahead to bring the gospel in such a way that they would understand and receive it.

The bible says come all ye that are heavy laden and i will give you rest, the house of the Lord is a place of Refuge,Peace,Mercy and Love…..

So the weekend is almost here what are you planning to do for fun ??? what stories will you have to tell ??

Love you all
Wanjiku Ndungu

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8 thoughts on “help !! i dont want to be a christian !!!

  1. I totally agrree with you. Lets stop being boring and enjoy life. Am not saying we sin but lets do the normal things. We are down on earth for God’s sake

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