In the past year I have received messages from women and men who have read my blog. They go ahead and share their struggles and how great it is to find that their experiences are not unique to them. These messages have encouraged and urge me on to write more about my life, my experiences, my mistakes, the lessons I’ve learnt, and how a loving God has been my constant guide the whole time. However, among all these messages, the most memorable was by this guy who once wrote and told me about himself; how he was a nice guy, a man who loved God, who respected women yet they never took a glance in his direction. He asked what Christian women were looking for in a guy and went ahead to quote how nice guys always finish last. Honestly I felt for him and all I wanted was to scoop him up the way you would a child, hug him and remind him that God loved him and he did not have to change in order for a woman, any woman to notice him. I wanted to assure him that he was wonderfully created and in God’s time he would reap the fruits of patiently waiting for the woman God desires for him.
This led me to an interesting conversation with my heart and a few single Christian women who though did not use the line “men are dogs” did cover it up with “all the men are the same”. I am taking about saved men, who prophesied God as their savior, worship leaders in our churches. Men who had a relationship with the Almighty God were being compared to guys who did not know God nor have a relationship with Him. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with a guy who is not saved. I love them enough to share the gospel and want them to encounter Christ and live their lives differently. I have many as my friends but that’s as far as it goes. Have I ever dated someone who was not saved when I am saved? Did I know that the word of God in 1 Corinthians 6:14 says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? I knew this scripture well, but like my friends to me all men ‘were’ the same, whether saved or not, Muslims, Buddhist etc… They all wanted something from you, and sometimes they just took your peace, your joy, your fears, your dreams, your sense of worth, self respect and some went ahead to use the same things against you. Some wanted you to change for them, lose a kilo here, wear a shorter skirt there, and cut a bit of hair there, goodness! Yet we still stayed, joined the gym, wore tighter jeans and shorter skirts, you know a bit of colour and glamour as if you were a trophy to be paraded around. In case you did not take the changes seriously, chances were you never got to meet his friends because… chick you just never measured up! I am saddened to see that this trend has slowly crept into our churches. I have Christian brothers who are totally hot for Jesus (as my bbf would say), who make demands on women to dress, talk, and be a certain way. This just pains me!! I want to beat the hell out of them! Ati lose a few kilos, start applying makeup, change your wardrobe and get fancier clothes? My foot!
I look at the women around me today and I see beautiful, intelligent, empowered, excellent, loving and caring women. Yet deep down they are so insecure in whom they are, what they are about, what they want because society has taught us that a man can define who we are as women. That he has authority to call me whatever name he chooses and we take it at heart and start believing as such! I pray for each and every woman in the city of Mombasa and in my country Kenya that this perception would change; and NO not all men are the same.
Today I take a stand and speak for our Christian brothers who genuinely have a relationship with God and would want to love you and do life with you yet you shove them aside. I speak for them because God has taken time to show me a few good men who love and cherish their women, who respect and adore them, who may not have all the riches in the world but they count themselves rich for the marriages they are in. Whose testimony of their goodness shows in their wives faces and in their lives.
I met KC and Kafs almost one and a half years ago, they have been married for 3 years and even now Kafs face still lightens up every time she sees KC walk in a room, her smile widens every time she picks a call from him, her body language changes to that of a love stuck teenager every time she is around him. Her first words on the phone are “sasa sweety wangu” in the most child like voice….
Ruth has been married to Munene for the past 13 years! And she still blushes every time he gives her a compliment, whether it’s on Sunday as he preaches, or in the comfort of their home after a long day from work, she still welcomes his hugs, pecks with a smile and tells him about her day with the kids as they share supper. Ask Munene anytime, anywhere and he will tell you with all certainty that Ruth is the most beautiful woman in the world and he would marry her all over again.
Kulola and Sinoya are a couple I got to interact with recently they laugh heartily at each other’s jokes, Kulola speaks of her marriage life as if it only started yesterday. Her journey with her husband, raising children, moving towns and at 60 something she still glows still has the energy of a 20 something. She shares her life journey with me as she makes supper for him, careful to check the amount of salt in his food and sugar in his tea, see they have been married for 35 years, and she proudly introduces herself as Mrs Sinoya. She is a prayerful woman whom I pray to learn more from.
Over the years, as I learned and listened and observed this couples share life together, I have started making different choices in how I view people, how I treat my Christian brothers. I have learned to be careful who I am dating because the thing is… you don’t have to settle for just about anybody. Just because your friends are getting hitched doesn’t mean you get married or “hooked up “to the next available bloke! Proverbs 31:10 says: a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. I googled rubies and the word for ruby derives from the Latin term “Rubeus”, meaning the red. Rubies are rarer and more valuable than diamonds. Hardly a month has passed in the last 60 years without new diamond deposits being discovered – something that definitely cannot be said of rubies which are mined only in a handful of locales worldwide. So my question to every woman reading this post is: If you are a child of the Most High God, wanting to be a Proverbs 31 woman, what business do you have on what the world has to offer? What business do you have being unequally yoked? What business do you have changing your hair colour, dressing in tight fitting, cup hugging clothes, starving yourself looking like a kid with some disorder? My prayer has been for GOD to work on my character. Looks can get you somewhere but only your God and your character can keep you there.
To the Christian men I will tell you what a good man shared when he was asked what he wanted in a woman paraphrased “I want someone intelligent and knows God because after some years the ability to count and hold conversations will be more important than her looks.” Yes I have had the privilege of meeting a few good single men for those who are already mourning that the ones I mentioned are already taken ;). Brothers treat us with respect, love us like Jesus loves you then, maybe then we will give you our real phone numbers lol!!
In every storm there are blessings and beauty to be found….