A few good men ;)

In the past year I have received messages from women and men who have read my blog. They go ahead and share their struggles and how great it is to find that their experiences are not unique to them. These messages have encouraged and urge me on to write more about my life, my experiences, my mistakes, the lessons I’ve learnt, and how a loving God has been my constant guide the whole time. However, among all these messages, the most memorable was by this guy who once wrote and told me about himself; how he was a nice guy, a man who loved God, who respected women yet they never took a glance in his direction. He asked what Christian women were looking for in a guy and went ahead to quote how nice guys always finish last. Honestly I felt for him and all I wanted was to scoop him up the way you would a child, hug him and remind him that God loved him and he did not have to change in order for a woman, any woman to notice him. I wanted to assure him that he was wonderfully created and in God’s time he would reap the fruits of patiently waiting for the woman God desires for him.

This led me to an interesting conversation with my heart and a few single Christian women who though did not use the line “men are dogs” did cover it up with “all the men are the same”. I am taking about saved men, who prophesied God as their savior, worship leaders in our churches. Men who had a relationship with the Almighty God were being compared to guys who did not know God nor have a relationship with Him. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with a guy who is not saved. I love them enough to share the gospel and want them to encounter Christ and live their lives differently. I have many as my friends but that’s as far as it goes. Have I ever dated someone who was not saved when I am saved? Did I know that the word of God in 1 Corinthians 6:14 says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? I knew this scripture well, but like my friends to me all men ‘were’ the same, whether saved or not, Muslims, Buddhist etc… They all wanted something from you, and sometimes they just took your peace, your joy, your fears, your dreams, your sense of worth, self respect and some went ahead to use the same things against you. Some wanted you to change for them, lose a kilo here, wear a shorter skirt there, and cut a bit of hair there, goodness! Yet we still stayed, joined the gym, wore tighter jeans and shorter skirts, you know a bit of colour and glamour as if you were a trophy to be paraded around. In case you did not take the changes seriously, chances were you never got to meet his friends because… chick you just never measured up! I am saddened to see that this trend has slowly crept into our churches. I have Christian brothers who are totally hot for Jesus (as my bbf would say), who make demands on women to dress, talk, and be a certain way. This just pains me!! I want to beat the hell out of them! Ati lose a few kilos, start applying makeup, change your wardrobe and get fancier clothes? My foot!

I look at the women around me today and I see beautiful, intelligent, empowered, excellent, loving and caring women. Yet deep down they are so insecure in whom they are, what they are about, what they want because society has taught us that a man can define who we are as women. That he has authority to call me whatever name he chooses and we take it at heart and start believing as such! I pray for each and every woman in the city of Mombasa and in my country Kenya that this perception would change; and NO not all men are the same.

Today I take a stand and speak for our Christian brothers who genuinely have a relationship with God and would want to love you and do life with you yet you shove them aside. I speak for them because God has taken time to show me a few good men who love and cherish their women, who respect and adore them, who may not have all the riches in the world but they count themselves rich for the marriages they are in. Whose testimony of their goodness shows in their wives faces and in their lives.

I met KC and Kafs almost one and a half years ago, they have been married for 3 years and even now Kafs face still lightens up every time she sees KC walk in a room, her smile widens every time she picks a call from him, her body language changes to that of a love stuck teenager every time she is around him. Her first words on the phone are “sasa sweety wangu” in the most child like voice….

Ruth has been married to Munene for the past 13 years! And she still blushes every time he gives her a compliment, whether it’s on Sunday as he preaches, or in the comfort of their home after a long day from work, she still welcomes his hugs, pecks with a smile and tells him about her day with the kids as they share supper. Ask Munene anytime, anywhere and he will tell you with all certainty that Ruth is the most beautiful woman in the world and he would marry her all over again.

Kulola and Sinoya are a couple I got to interact with recently they laugh heartily at each other’s jokes, Kulola speaks of her marriage life as if it only started yesterday. Her journey with her husband, raising children, moving towns and at 60 something she still glows still has the energy of a 20 something. She shares her life journey with me as she makes supper for him, careful to check the amount of salt in his food and sugar in his tea, see they have been married for 35 years, and she proudly introduces herself as Mrs Sinoya. She is a prayerful woman whom I pray to learn more from.

Over the years, as I learned and listened and observed this couples share life together, I have started making different choices in how I view people, how I treat my Christian brothers. I have learned to be careful who I am dating because the thing is… you don’t have to settle for just about anybody. Just because your friends are getting hitched doesn’t mean you get married or “hooked up “to the next available bloke! Proverbs 31:10 says: a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. I googled rubies and the word for ruby derives from the Latin term “Rubeus”, meaning the red. Rubies are rarer and more valuable than diamonds. Hardly a month has passed in the last 60 years without new diamond deposits being discovered – something that definitely cannot be said of rubies which are mined only in a handful of locales worldwide. So my question to every woman reading this post is: If you are a child of the Most High God, wanting to be a Proverbs 31 woman, what business do you have on what the world has to offer? What business do you have being unequally yoked? What business do you have changing your hair colour, dressing in tight fitting, cup hugging clothes, starving yourself looking like a kid with some disorder? My prayer has been for GOD to work on my character. Looks can get you somewhere but only your God and your character can keep you there.

To the Christian men I will tell you what a good man shared when he was asked what he wanted in a woman paraphrased “I want someone intelligent and knows God because after some years the ability to count and hold conversations will be more important than her looks.” Yes I have had the privilege of meeting a few good single men for those who are already mourning that the ones I mentioned are already taken ;). Brothers treat us with respect, love us like Jesus loves you then, maybe then we will give you our real phone numbers lol!!

In every storm there are blessings and beauty to be found….
Wanjiku Ndungu

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13 thoughts on “A few good men ;)

  1. Nice one! Lets hope there are good women out there left for the few good men, coz i’ve notice pple tend to focus on ‘how they cnt get a good man’ well…we too cant get good ladies anymore, and the number of women with questionable character is on the rise, which is so alarming.
    Everytime my Mother begins the topic on women/who will i marry,her voice is full of pity as she says in Kikuyu “I don’t know what you’ll ever do Wainaina, jus keep praying and be an honorable man”
    Jus goes to show even their generation has noticed that we keep ending up with ladies who are not real and are just after what they can get from us and move on to the next nice guy/well off.
    And yes….alot of truth to ‘Nice guys finish last…’ but then again i refuse to believe in the (worldly) adage and press on to pursue righteousness and maintain, Godly morals and integrity.

  2. Well said shakie but lets remember something, a good woman is found, she does not do the finding….bible says whoever finds a good wife findeth a good things so let my christian brothers be careful are they looking for or looked for(sort after) by women.

    thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  3. Agreed and that is why i said….”we too cant get good ladies anymore”…. in the quest of searching, we lack! but…
    Now its interesting that you mentioned …” Proverbs 31:10: a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
    I totally agree with it and i think the greatest virtue of this woman of Proverbs 31 focused on her husband. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” She is a good wife, a virtuous woman, so her highest aim is to please her husband. Now there are many virtues in a good woman, but God puts this first. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”-Eph. 5:22-24. And then: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”-Vs. 25.
    That is putting a woman in a very sacred and holy place.
    A man’s love for his wife is not to be just infatuation. Normal sexual attraction is proper in husband and wife; but when the honeymoon is over there should remain a certain unity of heart, an enjoyment of and a dependence on each other, a close friendship of heart, a oneness of mind.
    To add one more thing..a hubby is to love his wife when she is young and weighs 55 kgs, then he is to love her when she weighs 90 kgs and waddles when she walks…lol!! He is to love her when her hair is unkempt, or when she is in those atrocious weaves, when she burns the bread, when her beds are not made and the dishes are in the sink.
    He is to love her as Christ loved the church, not because she is so lovable, but because he is a man of character.
    Christ loves us, not because we are good or worthy or beautiful, but He loves us because of His great character.
    Ponder!!

  4. Generally i dont think women have an issue with submission, now breath before you let all hell loose on me 😉 question usually is how do you submit to someone who is not submitted to Christ ? the whole point of this post was to remind us that we are a new creation, my brothers are a new creation, they are no longer driven by what they see, and like you said even after the 90kgs my husband should still love me, its more than what we see, the love of Christ runs deeper than this, the bible says in ephesians each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband…note women are called to respect and honour as the nlt puts it, but before submision there has to be respect.

    How is a wife to submit if her husband is always flirting, or ogling at other women, how is she to respect him if he does not love her or respond to her, women are generally very relationship oriented, a woman would do almost anything for a man she has respect for, and submission would come easy, but remember a man has to love his wife as he loves himself, as Christ loves the Church,

    still in ponder mode by the way.

  5. 😉 we are still on the same page…and i agree! lets hear what others have to say on this issue and what their view is on ‘a few good men’ (& Women) i might add 🙂

  6. good one, I believe there are good men out there, there are also good women out there. the problem is that we both sexes, have concentrated so much on the “bads” than the “goods” the other can do. As Shakie says, my mum too keeps asking me those same questions, I sometimes look at her and see the whole expression in her eyes, and am left without words. she says the least she can do for this generation is to pray for her children (the fruits of a womans womb) and ask God to guide us through. But Shakie, men don’t lack, they fear looking for one, coz there’s already what they believe, that attitude about women, that was created by the ones who were there before. We ladies, I not being an exemption, have that attitude that was created by those that are ahead of us, “MEN ARE DOGS”, “YOU WILL END UP BEING A SINGLE MOTHER”, and the like. This is what is killing us. we forget that, this is us, we should do it differently, create a positive picture out of what we have been given. There’s a God who has promised us so many things. The only thing we have to do to get his promises flowing is simple, just abiding in His love through obedience to His word. Observing purity is another thing, that will make us get the good guys/ladies we want. When the heart is pure, God will manifest Himself to us. He stands waiting to do it. Jesus said, if anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching(an imposible thing without a clean heart) can you imagine yourself getting hidden riches of secret places, as the psalmist wrote? As long as am holding on to the Bible, and understand Gods word, I will never go searching for men (So help meGod) They will come looking for me. I know, as 1st Timothy chapter 3 says, those husbands of but one wife exist. Those who are of noble character, self-controlled, respectable, not violent. The one who manages his own family well and sees that his children obey him with proper respect. If a man is looking for wife, he should be able to teach, not a person who will run to church with an aim of looking for a wife. If there’s any man reading this and is one of those with such aims, know that God is so jelous and will not allow you to tamper with His righteous. You will go there and accidentally or incidentally find a lady who had gone to church with the same aim, looking for a “good husband”, coz huko ndiko wanakopatikana. Utashangaa!!!!!!!! ladies, if a man loves you, he will do what the word says, do not go looking for him, let him come looking for you. Just be simple, be YOU.

  7. Eva thanks for sharing and yes through this post i am trying to show the positive side of our brothers, hence the examples of the few good men…and your example of a guy running to find a wife in church only to get one who went to be found is funny and true….
    I believe and desire to see men submit to God and cry out to GOD, its sad that men in our society are secondary spiritually, allowing their wives to do the praying ,the bible reading, the blessing and all other spiritual stuff, there is a need in evry home for a man who can cry out to God, pray for himself nd cover his family ,i long to see women ask their husbands to pray for them instead of going to see the pastor. a man should know that the pastor is not the spiritual head of their home, they are !
    Some one once wrote reputation is who people think you are, character is who your wife and children know you are. will be doing a blog on qualities of a godly man/husband…keep on reading.

    God bless

  8. I’m in Awe of what you’ve captured in this & as the rest have said we all need to focus on the positives & flee from any Negative Vibe!

  9. I love this. I know at some point i have said the same that some men are dogs,but there are great men out there,men who are trying to be the best men they can be. and I have met quite a number 🙂

  10. Personally i am tired of hearing guys quoting proverbs 31 when this subject comes up.
    A wife is different from a single lady in so many respects…i believe proverbs 31 is talking about a married woman aka a wife. She has many awesome characteristics which only the husband is entitled to enjoying. She gets that way not on day one of marriage, but after a while…as iron sharpeneth iron, the husband and wife sharpen each other. That’s why when you interact with a properly married couple, like the ones you have mentioned herein…they will testify that every year they grow more in love with their husband/wife.
    Now, the problem is that single guys want, neigh demand that the ladies they are dating/trying to court…(sometimes even before the relationship progresses to engagement) behave towards them like the proverbs 31 woman, ati make his clothes, rise up early and fend for him and his family, ati her children rise up and call her blessed (SHE HAS NO CHILDREN AT THIS POINT!!)
    Jamaa…sio bure wahenga walisema ukiona vyaelea jua vimeundwa!

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