I want more…

Do you know the way your mind is programmed in that when you get into the house there is that one thing that you do. Well mine is switching on the lights, i am actually learning how to differentiate between day and night because thats where my fingers automatically go everytime i unlock my door.
Imagine me getting home after a very crazy day,exausted after having dealt with 25 distributors,and phone call after phone call all giving excuses about why they are sell- out is low,rallying up the sales team to meet the days target,getting off work at 5pm and rushing through traffic to get to class and for two hours listening to a lecture telling you how skill of listening is so important and how to sieve every conversation.listening is important and it mostly helps in guiding a patient to Self discovery all the while your mind wonders back and forth, songs playing in your head, conversation being replayed earlier at the office canteen,and you ask yourself why you are here ? your tired, you cant focus, you cant wait for the class to end, then you imagine the traffic jam that awaits you, then it hits you, you have not eaten…yet the lecturer talks some more and you just want to scream and run out of the class room not to ever set foot there again coz whats the point ? you already have a a great job,great family and friends, you actually have a life ! so why put yourself under so much pressure in a class that will take you two years to complete…darn ! you want to curse at someone throw something …..Then you remember the real reason why your there, you want to help, you wat to make a difference in your generation, you want something different for your children and children’s children…but the real reason is , its your calling. Its what God has called you to do , His will for your life, to listen to others and help them find their way.

Sitting straight in class you begin to nod as the lecture is about to finish, knowing that tomorrow is going to be better because you have been reminded why your doing this, why you are on earth, so you get home still tired but hopeful as you stretch your hand to find the switch and put on the light, nothing….total darkness…silence…..kplc dint keep their end of the bargain. Thats how that week had been trying to find the sense of why we were together, why there was total darkness, why there was only silence as we took that long walk to the bus station.an hour before we tried small talk, nothing….then a touch of the hand here, a peak there, a a hold of the waist and a kiss….hoping agaisnt all hope that i would find something worth fighting for…something worth keeping, a memory or feeling that would keep us going till we figure this out but..nothing…darkness..silence….is there anything more ? anything more i can give anything more i can get out of this relationship ? why i am in this relationship i asked myself…

I wonder if other women have been here before, a place where you asked yourself if there was any more you can give anything more a guy can discover about you,anything more that he can know about you ? dont we all dread it ? that one day he will wake up or realise that there is nothing else in the relationship to make him stay, nothing new about you to discover. We leave in an era of casual dating , casual romance, casual sex…everything is so casual , so we end up giving it all up ! I am sad to say we as christians have embraced this in church as well, i know many of us have heard of the term “musical chairs” where a young guy has dated half of the worship team, or the choir have interdated, from one choir member to another, the extreme of this relationship well no one can tell. But all i know is that both women and men are left wonded and broken, they move from church to church seeking a peace and hiding from the shame and the mess.

Can i demand more ? from my future husband whoever he is, i will no longer date just because, I will no longer kiss around or flirt or dress in such a way that provokes or draws attention to me, A woman body is created to bring God glory, 1 Cor 6:19-20 says Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, whom is in you, whom you have received form God? You are not your own ; you were bought at a price, therefore honour God with your body.

Ladies lets be honest Don’t we all long and desire for a man to know us deeply, to know us from the inside not just the physical beauty but for him to know our desires, our dreams, our potential, capabilities……For a man who is like Christ one who loves you so much that he would lay down his life for you, a man who’s sees in us a love he cannot do without ? a man who does not insist on separating sex fromm marriage ? that the respect and love he has for you runs deeper that his attraction or actions, that his intentions are clear and pure towards you, have we lost this breed of warriors,tender hearted poets in our generation ? have we lost this man who would bring you before the Lord and leave you at the altar to go make right what is not, a man you would respect and look up to, a man you could ask to pray for you instead of going to your pastor !
I no longer want half baked promises,tight hugs,i no longer want to hang, out just because i have nothing to do, or have free time i will no longer settle for the crumbs under the table, no more almost sessions of coming close,or almost dating or almost mating.Ladies God created relationships to last, bonds to be made, covenants not to be broken, yet 90% of us have been in more than one relationship,after another, seeking , chasing,experimenting ,searching. For what ? I am not really sure. All I know is that we are ticking time bombs waiting to explode.

The divorce rate has gone high, children are torn between parents and mummy’s boyfrend and daddy’ latest catch, is this what we want for our kids ? marriages hitting rock bottom because of mastibation ? porn ? sex ? homosexuality ? is it worth it ? to get married and start comparing your husband to so and so…. to ruin God’s most sacred, most precious union, IS IT WORTH IT ? if only women knew their worth, knew the plans that God has for their lives, this precious jewels who sell themselves so short by being stuck and sucked in the world standards of happyness,fun and romance. Please remember this anytime you want to say yes to that date, or hug that brother close,or flirt with him on line excusing it as just casual ,Casual often times leads to Casualties……Ladies we serve the author of TIME !

Can God look down at our generation and find women who are totally sold out for Him or who are waiting on Him, who are set apart and those that trust Him to make all things beautiful at His time….If we trust God with our jobs,finances,health,family and friends why is so hard for us to trust Him with our heart ? with our relationships ? our desires ? something a friend said this sunday has stuck and to be honest makes perfect sense that, We are not a museum that people would come to just look at, touch and disappear-shiku karue.

Wanjiku Ndungu