There are many things that freak me out when it comes to marriage,and for the longest time i always thought it was the cooking bit he he, no i will not get into that because i think at some point you will all start connecting the dots.last time i revealed my house was a zoo….well i have never gotten over it ! ;) , so as the images were coming off this past month (those attending icc-msa, would relate to this).
I started noting down the things that really did scare me about this beautiful covenant that God created for a man and a woman,since am being real and everything the main one that really came out was sex, yes sex……
You see i have been around for a very long while and have been exposed to all sort of things, from sex to ponography,mastubation,oral sex and the list goes on, and on and one thing i can tell you is that as sure as the sun rises every morning i can remember my experiences with the men i have been with. With some its been years but the act of sex,or forms of plesure, or self gratification is still fresh in my mind because in one way or the other i am tied to them.I would ask myself if i were to get married how will sex be between my huband and i (or is it me and my husband ?? #Tunde help !) will he satisfy me sexually?? Will he be better than Chris or Alvin or does he know that little trick that Peter does ? imagine lying in your husband or wife’s arms but your thoughts are scattered to 2-10 souls depending on the number of men you have been intimate with, for some it was never sex but just oral sex…sex is sex whether oral,mastabation…dont kid yourself.or the number of model or ponographic materials you have been watching through the years.
The bible in the book of ephesians 5:31 says ,” For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. What this verse says in plain language is that the coming together or the joining together of a man and woman in marriage is sealed in the act of sex. Hence becoming one flesh! So please do an exercise with me, and note down all the men or women you have ever been intimate with. As far as Ephesians goes you have been married to all of them. Now please tell me how this man who is supposed to spend the rest of their life with you has a chance at doing exactly that, if your still have all this soul’s tied to you. This verse in the bible for me it speaks not only about a joining together of two bodies in the flesh but in the spirit as well.
Soul ties can be in this other form that we rarely discuss, “just friends” let me elaborate with a story, I had known (let’s call him Joe) for like 2 years, we were introduced by a mutual friend of ours, we never got to hang out often because we lived in different towns, but that dint stop us from talking everyday on the phone, texting back and forth,emails and literally discussing each and every detail of our lives, I poured my heart out to my Joe and he was someone I could depend on, no matter what for 4 years I have known Joe and we have never been physical, don’t get me wrong he was attractive but what we had was more. So I knew this was a friendship to last. A couple of years later he started dating and so did I and we would talk about the people we were currently with and just how in one way or the other they dint understand our friendship, but all this came crumbling down one day when he told me that his girlfriend was pregnant, being honest and all I was devastated, I mean I couldn’t understand it, how could he have sex with this woman? We had a bond stronger than anything, he was the one I could tell everything, share everything, laugh with, be silly with, he felt my pain, my joy shared in my frustrations, he knew my highs and lows, but now he was tied to another I was confused..I thought he was a soul mate, I thought…
Let me tell you several things that soul ties do :-
It hinders our ability to receive. In other words, the affection that is being given to us by any other person besides the one our soul is tied to does not appear to reach our heart. I never could understand how two people could be in a relationship without being intimate, i mean for me that was plain rejection !
- A soul tie limits your giving. Even though we give all our heart, we have only a portion to give. You can only give what’s yours to give. A divided soul does not affect your giving, but it does affect how much you have to give.
-It hinders us from trusting people,or starting over with someone new because we are comfortable with where we were and whom we were with and how they made us feel.
-It hinders us from living in the present and enjoying marriage or forms of intimacy with other people.we are always comparing, or in the back of our mind thinking so and so would have done this and that or knew exactly which buttons to push..
So allow me to ask you this,how many have there been ?? what experiences or memories are you going to bring in your marriage bed ?? how can we break free from this soul ties to ensure that we come into a marriage union with no sexual babbage or soul ties.
Three ways that i am learning break this soul ties
In the spirit : this is by confessing of the sinful relationship , repentance and breaking of the soul tie. They say the first step to freedom is admitting there is a problem , so ackowldge the soul ties and ask God who freely offers his forgiveness to do so.
In the soul : this is where its hard i tell you, but i have gone as far as ceasing communication with the people i have had a soul tie with, i have prayed for them, accepted forgivenes from God and forgave them and let go.
In the body : A new covenant needs to be made, a secondary virginity is something that people choose to do and start over, but you need to constantly remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit as God to to renew you mind,spirit and soul. Your flesh is never saved lets be honest so be careful about what you watch,what you read, your conversations least they lead you in temptation.
Gifts and stuff, that i got in my previous relationships or ties, i have choose to let them go, no matter how expensive. I have given them away and some things i have buried completely.i dont need a reminder because i want a new beginning.
For my friends reading this that are yet to travel down this road, i only have this to tell you “Young women of Jerusalem, swear to me that you will not awaken love or arouse love before its proper time. Songs of solomon 8:4
Ask yourself, are you ready to let go ?