different is GOOD

Five years ago today I would have told you liverpools score,liverpools best scorer, liverpools scoring trend for the year even. you all know that they just won the carling cup today and as Kevo put it….they just earned themselves 6 years of braging rights! You see 5 years ago I would have a conversation with you about hiphop. talk about dre,eminen, and lacrae. Locally holy dave was hitting the airwaves and hitting em good! 5 years ago I knew about cars too much info for a woman I tell you, which car had what engine size its capacity and some other details that I really can’t remember right now.you see five years ago ciku was in love.

Fast forward five years later I can’t remember some of those things,heck I can’t even sit through a game of football unless its man u and arsenal and I need to make some few friends miserable. They know themselves. I can’t remember jack about cars and hiphop well apart from a few songs by lacrae the rest just doesn’t make much sense to me! You see being in love can make you do crazy things but the worst that I have come to discover apart from compromising, is loosing your identity.

As a woman you are born bearing your name and your fathers name. You get married you pick up your husbands name,get your first baby you get their name (insert mama Brian here). Now before you all fast forward to comment and start posting let me make this clear,I have no problem with this process. Whether you want to have your fathers name,or take up your husbands name,hyphenated or underscored its you and your husbands choice. Whether you end up being known as mama Brian or mama çhege is completely and interly up to you.

My main concern is the art of impressing the pains we go through to impress. Let’s be honest ladies, how many of us actually enjoy football? How many love sports? Cars? Hiphop? Motorbikes? Hiking? You know guy stuff? And before you preach to me about how one is supposed to take initiative to like and find out what the other person likes and shares in their experience which I totally agree and endorse 100% so no argument here. I believe its healthy and recommended that as people date or relate get to know and be involved in each others fun activities,hobbies ,past time etc. But the big problem in our relationships today is that this only happens one way.

Generally as women whether we care to admit or not, but speaking from my own past experiences and those of my friends we tend to loose ourselves in a relationship. actually one of my male friends put it this way. “it is sad that you meet a woman who you get attracted to, and as you get to know them,their likes and dislikes,their hobbies and interests,beliefs and you get to share your own. Your thrilled by the diversity between the two,your excited about knowing her,discovering things about her but a few months down the line all you mostly talk about is what the guy likes,his beliefs quickly turn to be yours and the uniqueness that actually brought you together in the first place no longer exists.

I had always been alarmed at how easily and fast I got bored in a relationship. Its like a 3-6 months honeymoon phase and after that I couldn’t wait to get out! I mean before a relationship I had my own set of values,beliefs,interests,hobbies,adventures,tales and so much more! But after a relationship its like I lost all that. Their likes,became the things I liked, what they hated I hated, I was so caught up in hobbies and interests that really I had no heart for! After a while your opinion really doesn’t count even in a conversation because this person knows that you will agree with them in everything. I am generally a very opinionated person, but I sucked at it when in a relationship. I would always look at something from their point of view. You know ,either because your not in the mood to have an argument or you just playing stupid and that really cost me. I said yes or maybe to things I strongly believed were wrong, was I forced to do so? No. I guess I was just in love and dint want to complicate things or argue,you know how small arguments can blow out of propotion? But was I really doing the right thing by me?

I know generally women we like to be associated with, but it doesn’t mean we loose ourselves. We are unique a rare breed. Men and women were created differently for a purpose,to play different roles in society and in families but that doesn’t warrant us loosing our identity as individuals. It doesn’t mean once you are in a relationship or married you forget the things that bring you joy,the silly little things that make you laugh, the simple things that move your heart, the exciting that’s that pump your soul! God’s mathematics is that one person will join to another to make one and together we will nurture the gifts,talents and abilities that God has uniquely given unto us. Let’s stop this nonsense of being so wrapped around a guys world that we forget our own. That we forget to live that we forget to give.

Let’s celebrate the deferences in our relationships and instead of them tearing us apart let them bring us together. If he likes climbing mountains and you have no heart for it be honest. You can maybe try it as an experience, because all that pain and sweat up to the mountain top ain’t pretty. If you like me, love reading. Go on ahead read and share some revelation or quotes with him. You see,you still get to do what you love and still share it with him. Life goals are very important in our lives, currently I only have 50 but I want to expand that list,and the only way I can achieve this life goals is if I plan and actually go for them. Imagine if I had a boyfriend who had his list as well. I get so caught up in him and the things that he wants to accomplish that I end up ticking half of his list of goals accomplishments instead of mine! Sad doesn’t even begin to describe it. At some point you will end up resenting this person.

As you live this single life, nail down what you stand for,what your values are, what your beliefs are so that you don’t get swayed or caught up by events. For the guys in a relationship, I say celebrate your differences. Rediscover each other,ask those questions again and see if your both living life and accomplishing what God put you on earth to do. Some of this interests and hobbies we have are not just for us to keep and enjoy on our own, some are given to us to share and encourage other people around us all for the glory of God.

If you like to watch the moon go ahead and do it,to walk to write,to sing,to dance,to talk and laugh out loud….whatever crazy thing be you and let God Use you to give into the other persons life something different, something unique and something beautiful.

Ciku Ndungu

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5 thoughts on “different is GOOD

  1. The picture!!! Hehehe

    This got me thinking, you see when a woman becomes a wife and mother and ends up complaining that shes sufforcated, that she never did her, and some take time away from her loved ones, some leaving them, sadly, it started waaaay back when she was dating babake nanii!!
    How important it is not to lose onself!!!
    Thanks Ciku for this profound reminer!!!

  2. Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you! , ha ha….
    It has taken me five years in marriage to appreciate the uniqueness of the different likes in my wife. I suddenly realize the things I have wanted her to change to accommodate my likes are the very things that would complement my life making it richer. Because of this understanding, I am allowing her to be herself more and it’s so refreshing to appreciate her whole beauty a new.

    Oh how I only wish I had appreciated this earlier.

    Thanks Ciku for sharing.

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